Life After School

I am 26 and thoroughly fed up with the rut of unhappiness in which I’ve been stuck for a long time. I believe a lot of my troubles stem from the fact that my parents did almost nothing to prepare me for life after school.

I was pushed through a boarding school, where I was badly bullied. My father gave me no encouragement in the one thing I loved, horse-riding. I was totally unprepared for what came next – a large amount of money in a trust fund and no advice about what to do with it.

I feel very angry with my parents, particularly my father. Their inability to talk about money was a major factor in their divorce.

His unspoken view is that it is desperately vulgar to discuss money, while my mother let him make all the financial decisions.

Since graduating from university, I’ve had a series of pointless, badly paid jobs, interspersed with some volunteer work for charities, while living between my parents’ homes.

I think it’s good for me to be employed but, since I don’t need the money, there is no motivation for me to stick anything out.

I suffer from severe anxiety attacks, mood swings and bouts of depression. I have tried various therapies, but I refuse to take any medication. I don’t want to surrender ownership of my emotions to some pharmaceutical company.

I feel there is no one I can talk to, though I sometimes ring the Samaritans. Because I have not actually earned my money I have no concept of its worth, and I feel like my trust fund manager is a fire-breathing dragon.

I would like to make a home of my own, but if I spend my money on a house it would mean having to forgive my father and be grateful. I feel locked in a cycle of despair. If you could give me just a few nuggets of impartial advice I would be immensely grateful. Francesca